Gifts That Show How Much You Care

The hotter you are, the more heat you need.

nuggs a-blazin'

OMG Kush  $50  You know those motivational seminars people go to at work? This is the polar opposite of that.

DeepChunk  $45  Brain boss to neurons: you’re fired!

Panama Redwood  $45  Remember that one dream with the ginormous medicine plant with a trunk like a house and buds the size of Christmas trees so high up that you couldn’t figure out how to get them and then you ran smack into the trunk and knocked yourself out so hard that when you awoke it was the next day? Like that.

SkunKush  $50  You still have cancer but now even your carcinoma is totally baked. That’s gotta feel better.

theDankness  $45  You’re too sick to operate heavy machinery anyway, so you might as well chill and toast some synapses.

BangAGong  $45  Long song gone wrong. Puts your long schlong in an oblong bong, ding ding dong.

Afgan Cameltoe  $50  Dusky, musky, musty, dank with a hint of rank tang. Distinct stink. Strong stank. Very stro

I painted this one from a picture I took before they took their shirts off. The day wasn’t this chilly looking; that’s just how I interpreted this portrait. I put a lot of myself in my paintings. They aren’t just camera-like reproductions of reality. I know I am good at capturing people’s likenesses, even without a photo to work from. After all, I’ve heard it all my life, people always say, why, that looks just like him! You’ve really captured his likeness. (Or ‘her’, although for some reason I mostly paint male portraits.)

I wish people would spend a little more time looking at what else is going on in the paintings. They are different from each other the same way that I am different every day. I go into a kind of trance when I’m painting. It’s like my mind is completely not thinking but at the same time I’m kind of burning inside with an almost physical memory or experience of my subjects. It’s a kind of non-verbal conversation, sometimes even an argument. I have heard myself shouting out loud at times, which scares my cat. Those paintings don’t come out so well. But when in the fever-trance state, my feelings flow freely and so does the paint. These paintings I am most happy with — and they are the ones that sell, too.

So anyway, you can see these two boys were acting awfully sassy even this early in our encounter. The camera brought them out. And yet when I was in the middle of this painting I think I was feeling blue because it’s been two weeks now since we met and I’m discouraged. I don’t think they’re coming back.

But they were just two boys. There is a whole summer ahead and plenty of people to photograph and paint. That’s what I do. I tell myself I’m lucky. I’m happy. I’m not going to lose any sleep over two boys.

Peace, Patrick

we all crave assurance

Unlike insurance, that Ponzi scheme of false security for imaginary future calamities, assurance is all about the Here and Now, not to mention the Rear and How! When life’s bumpy terrain jostles your self-esteem and jiggles your confidence, there is no comfort like the big assurance you get in the backyard of nature’s bounty — the soft yet firm cushion that protects and primps your well-being like nothing else. It’s always there for those days when you just don’t want to deal with the real, but would rather hide your head in the quicksand. On days like these, go ahead — smother your troubles in the warm cloud of a couple of meat pillows. Then rest assured and rest easy, because from this vantage point, the rest is easy.

“It was really weird,” he says. “I felt a little tired around 10 pm, so I went to bed. Before I knew it, it was the next day!” He plans to see his doctor about it, and, if the doctor agrees, also mention it to his therapist.

Xavier & David #2

It was a busy week in the studio and I’m really happy with the work, but I found myself feeling more and more frustrated each day because no matter what time I went or how long I lingered, the two boys I met last time failed to grace the beach with their presence again.

It’s not that they promised they would, or even said anything about it, it’s just that after I’ve spent intense, creative time in the studio studying every detail of their photos and laboring to bring my vision of them to the canvas, I feel like I almost know them. Or at least their outer selves … I can talk about a dozen different shades of skin tone! But I can’t help fantasizing actually getting to know them, if that’s not too silly to even contemplate. They were so friendly; underneath their shyness, they were alarmingly charming.

I shouldn’t let their lack of a return appearance spoil the beauty of the initial one. It was, apparently, inspiring.  I am practically in a fever of creativity pouring out paintings surprising even to me in how well they express their likenesses. I can’t wait to finish more and post them. Back to work!

Peace, Patrick